I am a planner – as Type A as it gets. My day planner is color-coded, filled out for months in advance, with stickers and tabs and categories. I have to-do lists on my computer, my desk at home, my desk at work, and my kitchen. My email is sorted into different folders each day: to-dos, school, work, family, friends, service, extracurriculars, etc. When I wake up, I meticulously plan out the coming day, down to the hour, ensuring that I get everything done that I need to.

I know; it’s a lot. Sometimes I can be a little neurotic. It’s just my process. I’m goal-driven and by breaking down big projects, dreams, and goals into smaller tasks, I make sense of what it takes to achieve them. (Also, admittedly, I suffer from major FOMO and tend to be involved in as much as I can possibly cram on my plate.) Being active and busy makes me happy, fulfilled. Planning it all just keeps me sane. I have always been this way. My day planner from this semester, as a senior in college, looks just as crowded and organized as the one I used as a senior in high school. Notably, however, there is one significant difference – you no longer find my methodically scheduled timelines written in pen.

When I graduated from a small high school in Washington State in 2014, I had planned out my life. Graduate in four years from Arizona State University with Honors: major in Non-Profit Leadership and Management, minor in Sustainability. (I was CERTAIN that I would not change this major; I mean, service leadership was my passion, and this program was the best for what I wanted to do.) I was going to join tour guide, service, and dance organizations, become a Community Assistant by my second year, engage in internships at non-profits across the country each summer, study abroad, and take at least 3 international mission trips. I was going to make lifelong friends, graduate, and then join the workforce in less than a year as a group project manager for delivering aid to developing countries in sustainable ways. Then, of course, once my career was stable: get married, have children, settle into life.

Put a lot of pressure on myself, huh? But this is how the world worked, people! If you were not planning ahead, you were behind. Do as much as possible to be as successful as possible.

Turns out, life doesn’t really like to go the way you plan it to. My very first lecture as a freshman college student was in a class called “Volunteer Action and Community Leadership.” A class of my service leadership dreams; finally, getting to learn about something that I could apply to my future career! As amazing as the first lecture was, wow did it open my eyes… I discovered (in the very first hour of my college education – literally) that my goals were not going to be met in this major. I walked straight from this class to my advisor’s office and changed my major to Medical Studies. Fascinated by the medical field and how a role in this could still follow my passions, I began to explore different opportunities than I had originally envisioned myself searching for. I did join tour guide, service, and dance organizations, but I also joined the American Medical Student Association. I applied for an internship over my first summer – just at an orthodontist’s office instead of a non-profit. I traveled to the Dominican Republic on a medically-focused mission trip, and I fell in love with dentistry. I made incredible friends, and I even got a Community Assistant position for the following year. I was in love with ASU, and nothing was going to change that!

Turns out, that wasn’t really the case. My sophomore year took a bit of a turn. My role as a Community Assistant, while rewarding, was more taxing than I had expected – mentally and emotionally. I applied to many study abroad programs, but was rejected for admission or financial support. My schedule became so packed that many of my commitments started falling through the cracks. As my life changed, many of my friends’ lives changed, and we drifted apart. I was lost and stuck in a rut. I wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t home. I didn’t know how to fix it.

My mom was the first person to suggest transferring schools. As exciting and relieving as that idea sounded, I was terrified. What if transferring worsened my situation? Did I really want to start all over again at a new school? How would my credits transfer? What did this mean for my plan? What about my friends?

Hesitantly, but hopefully, I applied to Washington State University – a school I had become interested in after visiting high school friends who studied there. WSU was quieter and smaller than ASU, but still spirited and prepped with the programs I needed to continue achieving my goal of becoming a dentist. As I read my transfer acceptance letter and began to let the reality of my decision set in, I started worrying that people would think I was weak. Couldn’t she have just pushed through? We all have bad years, you know? She could be making a terrible mistake.

Turns out, none of those worries mattered. I fell head over heels in love with WSU, its people, and its opportunities. I began working for the Office of the Provost, joined a dance team, found a leadership role in the local American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life, made new friends, and connected with old ones. I took challenging classes that affirmed my love for medical science as a Zoology major, studied abroad in Guatemala conducting medical mission work, and stumbled upon some amazing nutritional research to conduct for my honors thesis. I learned how to drive in the snow, cheered on our football team in the rain, and updated my wardrobe with crimson and grey. I learned that sometimes planning for rest is just as important as planning for everything else. I learned that I am more of a small town girl than a city girl – an incredibly important thing to figure out about myself before I took on the next steps in my life. Even though I often missed the best parts of ASU (mostly the true friends that stuck by my side through everything), I had finally found a home at WSU. Also, people couldn’t care less about my life. The ones closest to me just wanted me to be happy, and it turns out, that’s all that matters. As difficult of a decision as it was, changing my previously-envisioned path to take on a new adventure at a new school was one of the best decisions I have ever made for my personal and career goals.

Applying for dental schools at the end of my junior year forced me to reflect on my college experience so far. I had faced emotional, physical, and mental challenges each year that changed my life, some for better and some for worse. My struggle with finding appropriate balance was not evident in my undergraduate college applications – at ASU or WSU – but it was all I could think of when defining who I was in my graduate school applications. College was more of a stepping-stone experience in my life than I had ever imagined. Some plans turned out the way I saw them doing so when I was a senior in high school, but most of them had not. Either way, my experiences had shaped who I was, and I was so grateful.

Plans change. People change. YOU change. That is the most beautiful part about the college experience! It’s your time to learn, grow, explore, fail, achieve, celebrate, and struggle. Some people follow their current plans down to every detail, but most of them don’t. Some take gap years (during or after their college careers). Some fall in love with other countries or other cities, move, transfer, or travel. Some of my classmates are in their late teens to early twenties, but some of them are older (and some younger). Some people enroll in a 4-year program right out of high school, but lots of people don’t. Some people graduate in 4 years, but some people don’t. Most of you (statistically) will change your major – more than once! I did. Everybody’s path looks different.

I’m still learning and still growing. I’m figuring out what balance means to me, what makes me happiest, and what I want to do with my days. It’s not always easy for a planner like me, but I’ve found excitement in the unknown. The ups and downs of my college experience (and the ups and downs to come) have boosted my confidence in my own path and shown me the world in a whole new light. No plans are certain, but that is OKAY! It’s alright to plan in pencil.

Dental school personal statement — accepted, OHSU